


Awkward

by starsoverhead



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Coming Out, Custom Shepard (Mass Effect), Drunkenness, Frustration, Gen, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Running Gag, Teasing, frank discussion of alien reproductive drives, gay Shepard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-11 14:09:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11150043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsoverhead/pseuds/starsoverhead
Summary: This came to me during my current playthrough of Mass Effect 2.  I was on Ilium and everywhere I looked, someone was coming on to my poor, gay Shepard, but it was never anyone he wanted to come on to him.  After talking with Athyta in Eternity, I realised this had to happen.Shepard takes an evening off, goes to Eternity, gets drunk, and grouses about his social life in Garrus' general direction.Then Shepard asks a difficult question of Samara.And then there's a misunderstanding with Tali.The start of a friendship with Miranda.Followed by something unexpected.





	1. Garrus

"Blue women are hitting on me, Garrus."

Eliot Shepard was still at the bar, where he'd been seated for quite a while by now. When he'd fallen quiet, Garrus had taken to amusing himself with the conversation going on a short distance away. If he leaned against the wall just so, he could hear the turian of the two trying so hard to hint to the quarian that he was interested. The quarian was either intentionally ignoring him or completely oblivious.

The last thing he'd expected was for Shepard to look up from the drinks he'd been getting from Athyta and say something like that.

"Excuse me?"

Shepard repeated himself. "Blue women are hitting on me." But then he paused. "And one green one."

Green? Garrus blinked, having to think about that - and then-- "Oh, right, the asari from Feros. Well, Shepard, you do have to keep in mind that asari are the majority on this planet. And they're monogendered. They aren't really women in that sense of the word."

"They have breasts, Garrus. I don't go for breasts."

"Maybe it's an asari thing. Or a blue thing." Of course, Shepard was overlooking the fact that people tended to flirt with him wherever he went. Garrus shook his head slightly and let his gaze wander over the crowd again.

But after another shot, Shepard interrupted his wandering train of thought again. "You're part blue," he said. "You don't hit on me."

What.

"Wha-- I. Shepard." His mandibles clenched. They'd been over this, back before he was Archangel and Eliot was making moon-eyes in an oblivious Alenko's direction. "Now you've just made it awkward."

"No." There was a distinct sway as Shepard stood up from the bar stool. "No, Garrus. The blue women made it awkward. Why don't guys ever hit on me? Why not Joker? Or Thane? Jacob, maybe, or you, or, shit, TIM!" He took a step forward, wavered, and almost fell, barely catching himself on the nearby terminal. "But no. It's the blue women. Everywhere. They made it awkward."

He thrust a finger forward, trying to make his point even more vehemently, and only succeeded in making Garrus wonder how he got stuck on Drunk Shepard Duty. As he caught Shepard's drunken, collapsing form, he tossed a look at Athyta over the bar. "Don't look at me," she said. "I agree with him. Blue women make everything awkward."

"No more awkward than the headache he's going to have after I drag him down the steps by his foot," Garrus muttered. "Thanks, Athyta. I'll make sure his tab gets paid."

"I'll cover his tab if you get him laid," she shot back.

Garrus snorted. "Now that _would_ be awkward."

He dragged Shepard out of Eternity, shaking his head. "That doesn't even sound like a word anymore."


	2. Samara

"Samara, do I give off some kind of pheromone that attracts asari?"

The Normandy's observation deck, with its amazing view of the stars, had been the perfect place for focus and meditations. She could sit for hours with only the faint whisper of the drive core and the murmuring of space in her awareness. Even when she was interrupted - most often by Eliot Shepard - she didn't mind. He was thoughtful, genuinely kind, and had an honest wish to do what was right in a galaxy full of corruption.

Which made his question... startling, to say the least.

"I beg your pardon?"

Shepard sighed. "Everywhere I go, it seems like the asari come on to me. I understand Liara being confused when she was onboard, and Morinth was... Morinth. But on Ilium, every time I turned around, there was an asari hinting at... eternity."

At least he'd put it as politely as he could.

"You know me," he went on. "You know I don't have anything against asari, but you also know I..."

"You are attracted to your own sex. Yes, I know, Shepard." That had been obvious when he'd been seated across from Morinth and had tried to act like she intrigued him. It was a miracle her daughter hadn't seen through it.

"I also know," she went on, "that we asari are, as a species, xenophilic. We are driven to bring strong, alien genes into our race. That you have been propositioned by some asari isn't surprising. That you have been propositioned by so many may be due to your role in galactic events. However, I can at least assure you that you give off no such pheromone, Shepard. I have no overwhelming drive to couple with you."

Shepard sighed. "No offense, Samara, but thank God."

With a nod, Samara let her gaze shift from the stars to the human seated nearby. "Given our friendship and our proximity on the Normandy, as well as my personal history and position as a justicar, if that drive did exist, I would be forced to hide it due to the awkwardness it could cause."

He sat bolt upright, giving her a sudden, shocked, wary look. Samara merely smiled.

"Isn't it lucky that there is no such awkwardness?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it is. Excuse me, Samara - I... need a drink."

Shepard stood, left the room, and Samara brought up her omni-tool. "I almost feel bad for it, Vakarian, but you were right," she typed, quickly sending the message.

A reply came almost immediately. "Told you."


	3. Tali

"Tali--..."

This was not body language she'd seen from Shepard before. His shoulders had slumped, head dropped until his chin was on his chest. He lifted a hand and tried to make some sort of gesture, but it was hesitant, and then aborted in favour of that hand dropping to his side with a faint clap. She also hadn't realised that a human with skin Shepard's shade could go pale.

And then red.

And then pale again.

She needed to read that guide to humanity again. Or maybe ask Mordin.

What did it _mean_?

"Shepard - is... are you all right?" she asked, her prior words forgotten.

"I'm... Tali, I'm flattered," he said. "And I appreciate it, but I-- I'm afraid you're not my type."

Her concern and confusion evaporated into a cringe, followed swiftly by a grain of anger. "Not your type? What does that mean, Shepard? I've seen you around enough asari--" She stopped mid-sentence to blurt, "Is it because I'm quarian? Am I just a suit-rat to you after all?"

"Tali-- Tali." Before she realised what was happening, he had hold of both her hands and was looking straight into her eyes through the visor of her helmet. "Tali."

It was enough to quiet her, though, and she looked at him in silence. Met his eyes. His dark, sympathetic eyes she'd gotten so attached to.

"If I had something against quarians, would I have helped you in your trial?" he asked, his voice carefully even. "Or paid Kenn's way back to his Pilgrimage from Omega? Or helped Lia on the Citadel? Would I have fought for the indentured girl on Ilium? Would I have asked you to come with me when we met at Freedom's Progress?"

Her anger evaporated and she sighed, shaking her head. "No. I'm sorry, Shepard. That wasn't fair of me. I... I'm ashamed of how I acted just now."

His smile was faint as he squeezed her hands. "It's okay, Tali. I understand. You aren't the only one who's been turned down. Even when it's gentle, it hurts. I just hope we're still friends."

"Absolutely." Tali nodded without hesitation. "I... It would've been difficult between us, anyway. What with my immune system, and not being your..." 

She trailed off, head tilting as she looked at him. He was red again.

"What is your type, then, Shepard? I've never really seen you with anyone, now that I think about it."

For a few moments, his mouth moved, but he didn't make a sound. At last, he managed, "Well. I. The easiest way to put it is... if you'd put in a good word for me to Kal'Reegar?"

"He already thinks very highly of y-- Keelah, Shepard!" _Now_ she understood. "I had no idea! I'm so sorry."

After a faint laugh and a hand at his forehead, Eliot Shepard shook his head. "It's still okay, Tali."

"I can't believe I've made this so awkwa--"

There was a hand over the blunt end of her helmet. It would've been over her mouth if the helmet hadn't been in the way.

"Don't say that word."

"...So... uncomfortable... then?"

He nodded. "We can work on that."


	4. Miranda

"So you're not going to come on to me, Miranda?"

Picking up both cups of coffee, she crossed the small distance between them to sit beside him on the sofa. She had enough of them in this office, nice places to sit and let her mind wander - something surprisingly necessary in the face of the mission. When he took one cup, their fingers brushed, and she didn't think a thing of it. "God, no." 

His shoulders fell. "You have no idea how glad I am to hear that."

Miranda laughed a quiet laugh as she settled in with the warm cup in hand. "I take it you've had a few problems."

"A few problems. A couple of unwanted kisses. One friend I had to let down gently," he answered, shaking his head before taking a slow drink and-- "Damn, this is good coffee."

She gave him a smile. "One of the perks, for now. Unwanted kisses, though? Nobody on the crew, I hope."

"No. Even if Miss Chambers up there dropped a few hints heavy enough to dent the deck."

Nearly giggling, Miranda sipped her coffee.

"A woman I helped out back on Noveria," Shepard filled in. "Gianna Parasini. A few asari."

After a pause, he corrected, "More than a few asari."

Her wince was sympathetic. "I think I might have heard something about that."

Eliot Shepard deflated. "Oh God, did he even talk to you about it? One moment of weakness and Garrus tells everybody about--"

"--Blue women hitting on you," she interrupted, and broke into a laugh. "I'm sorry, Shepard. I am, but I do have to admit that I've seen more asari come on to you than I have anyone else."

"At least I'm not the only one who's seen it." He gave in with a sigh, leaning back against the couch, drinking the coffee, and even managing to smile.

The laughter ebbed away to a comfortable chuckle. "A few problems, a couple of unwanted kisses," she echoed, "and one friend you had to let down gently. You've been working so hard to make sure everyone else is focused on this mission that I think you've neglected yourself. It has to be at least a little stressful to find out that you're apparently Desired Genetic Donor Number One."

Shepard set his empty cup aside. "It's... flattering, in its way," he admitted, "but it's confusing. Not to mention a little tiring, saying 'no' over and over again."

"Confusing?" Her weight shifted to one side as she sat up straighter, looking at him with her own confusion.

"I know I'm not a handsome man, Miranda. Hell, I halfway wondered why your team didn't put a better face on me when you rebuilt me."

One brow arched high as she flattened a look at him. "If you really believe that, no wonder you've made things so awkward."

His look went flat right back at her. "No, the fact that your pantsuit hugs each buttcheek separately is awkward."

Silence reigned for a few silent ticks of the clock, and then it started with a chuckle that grew and grew until both of them were breathless, faces red from the laughter.

Miranda felt a nice coil of satisfaction settle somewhere beneath her heart. Mission accomplished.


	5. Kaidan

"Hold still for a second."

"Wh-- What are you doing?"

"Just hold still."

"That's my foot, Shepard. That's my-- Yes, I have a leg under there-- Hey-- What _was_ that?"

After long enough - after enough things get in the way, or after enough others just don't happen - it becomes easy, very easy, to give up.

He'd watched the Normandy fly away, his name struck from its command, and had hoped that EDI had the sense to keep her metaphorical head down. He'd watched his rank taken from him. He'd watched the door to his room close and stay mostly closed for months.

They'd let him out for a workout from time to time. They didn't deny him fresh air, but he had never mistaken the fact that he was a prisoner.

All of that, combined with the well-meaning but singleminded lieutenant they'd assigned to watch him, had made it a matter of simplicity to shut any kind of idea about attachment away. He didn't even eat James Vega's eye candy.

He'd just thought about inevitability.

It was inevitable that the Reapers would come. It was inevitable that so many lives would be lost that nobody would ever really be able to count them all. It was inevitable that at least some worlds would be utterly decimated. He'd tried to warn them.

That was how he'd ended up on the Normandy again, with Earth under attack. How he'd somehow made peace between the Turians and the Krogan. How he'd killed a Reaper with a Thresher Maw, and another on foot, with a targetting laser.

And that was how he'd ended up hearing the last thing he ever thought he'd hear.

"That's what I want. What do you want?"

He could brush off the comment in the hospital. He could even say that their little talk in the crew quarters had been joking. Or that their quiet conversations in the Observation Deck were just getting to know each other again. This, though, said so plainly, he couldn't ignore, even if he still couldn't quite believe it.

Which was why he'd ended up taking hold of Kaidan's ankle and pushing the hem of his pants out of the way until he could see skin. Tanned, warm, lightly hairy skin.

"I was checking for blue," he answered at last, putting down Kaidan's foot. A human foot. Not an asari looking for genetic material. Not a quarian whom he loved like family.

Kaidan's voice interrupted his line of thought with, "My bruises faded a while ago."

And he had to respond. Had to admit, "I think I may still have a few that need to heal. But if you're serious--"

"I am."

His heart clenched in his chest and he smiled for the first time since Rannoch. "Then I want it, too."

There was a hand around his, and he threaded their fingers together.

"You'll have to explain the 'blue' thing later, you know."

Eliot Shepard just smiled. "Later. It's... kind of awkward."


End file.
